On how the mind can be the biggest hurdle

On of the more difficult things about being unemployed is keeping my brain fresh. Staying up to date on news, trends, recent events.  Trying to avoid the alluring trap of candy crush and reruns of Beverly Hills and Desperate Housewives. Keep myself busy, avoid falling into a slump. (one of) My biggest fears is that my brain will eventually just turn into a grey, bland, mushy mass.

I sit and stare at the keyboard. QWERTY. Remember that it was the answer to a Tech question in Bezzerwizzer once. My mind wanders.

I lay in bed at night, my mind racing in a million different directions. Some nights I get up to write down a few of my thoughts. For future inspiration. A million ideas for blog posts. For blog themes. For books, for job search ideas.

During the day, I sit and stare at the keyboard. Inspiration gone. Think of a million other things I could or should be doing. Writing applications. “Taking advantage of my network”. Mop the floor. Vacuum. What I want to do is write. So I continue to stare at the keyboard. Scared of something, nervous, but not sure why.

Wanting to write something intelligent, useful, good. Something other people will want to read.

But at the end of the day, if I don’t write for myself, then who am I writing for?

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